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Zen and the art of mowing the lawn

Dan,

I recently purchased my first home and now, for the first time since I was teenager, I am forced to mow a lawn. When I was younger I always mowed with straight lines back and forth, but I have seen people mow around their lawn in a square that keeps getting smaller. What is the best way to mow a lawn?

John from Tennessee

John,

I try to avoid giving negative responses to questions asked on this website, but this is exactly the sort of question that gets under my skin. If you are serious about getting an answer to your question you simply must provide specific details that are essential to forming a correct answer. Contrary to what you might think, I do not have a crystal ball, or even a magic eight ball, so I rely on these details to formulate the perfect answer.

How many trees are there in your lawn? What is their placement? What is the percentage of shading? Do you have bushes or flower gardens? How much space do they take up and where are they located? All of these facts are crucial to forming a strong plan for mowing a lawn.

In the absence of this information I can only suggest to mow in diagonal lines across your lawn. At the very least by utilizing this method you won't look like a complete idiot out there. You can rest safely in the knowledge that if anyone comes by and says, "What the hell are you doing mowing your lawn like that?" You can reply with, "This way I only take the longest trip across the lawn once, and every other trip is shorter." This should fool most people into thinking that you know what you are doing, but know that a true lawn-mowing expert will see through this ruse.

Hope that helps,
Dan


 

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